Not long ago the prospect of a Barbie movie would have had most right-minded people reaching for the sick bucket. And there is still a chance Sony’s newly announced project might end up some sort of awful retch-worthy Paris Hilton vehicle.
Yet Hollywood is slowly becoming a cleverer beast in the 21st century when it comes to commercial tie-ins. This year’s Lego Movie combined smart writing and killer pop-culture references to wow the critics and turn a healthy profit at the box office. The blockbuster Transformers movies, despite being the celluloid equivalent of repeated blows to the head with a blunt instrument, at the very least suggest a certain degree of commercial nous on the part of manufacturer Hasbro.
Sony could yet book an incisive director with the skill to realise Barbie: the Movie as a tongue-in-cheek successor to Clueless or Legally Blonde. But decent movies riffing off the fairer sex’s passion for fashion are few and far between. For every The Devil Wears Prada there’s a Sex and the City 2, and producers of the Barbie film seem to be leaning firmly towards the latter: screenwriter Jenny Bicks worked on the (admittedly far superior) TV version of the famously salacious saga of four Manhattan ladies who lunch.
The Perez Hilton gossip site (and who better, in this particular case?) has already published a list of actors who might fit the part, ranging from the fittingly buxom (Kate Upton) to the seriously unlikely (Taylor Swift) via the ubiquitous (Jennifer Lawrence/Emma Stone).
But the fact is there is only one real candidate for a Barbie movie on the big screen, and that’s an actor who has already proven herself in the most critically acclaimed blockbuster of 2010: Toy Story 3. Her name is actually Barbie; she already has the required selection of 1980s legwarmers and luridly coloured gym gear; and she would surely leap at the chance of playing herself in a live-action update.
Pixar’s Barbie, along with her beau Ken, provides exactly the right balance of sartorial brashness and self-effacing playfulness required for a movie that might otherwise appear little more than a cynical commercial tie-in. In Toy Story 3, the couple found themselves at the centre of a battle for the hearts and minds of Woody, Buzz et al at the sinister Sunnyside Daycare centre, their instant connection providing vital comic relief to offset the appalling threats facing Andy’s accidentally discarded toys. The pair then took centre stage for the wonderful Pixar short Toy Story Hawaiian Vacation, in which they singularly failed to actually make it to Hawaii but used the magic of fashion to transport themselves on an even more satisfying fantasy holiday.
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Pixar Ken’s addition alone would also neatly ensure Barbie: the Movie avoids the charges of sexism that have often been aimed at the impossibly proportioned doll. For as the Toy Story movies prove, he is far more soppy and self-obsessed than his female companion could ever be.
Even if Sony is unable to borrow talent from a competitor – Pixar is owned by rival studio Disney – the animated Barbie ought to provide a blueprint for the film-makers to follow.
There is of course one terrible fear surrounding the announcement of the live-action take, one even more hideous than the fate of Sunnyside newcomers at the hands of Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear, perhaps. Might Sony’s deal with Mattel just spell doom for Pixar Barbie and Ken in future Toy Story outings? The Lego Movie’s use of toy versions of Star Wars characters C-3PO and Han Solo suggests there are ways around these things. Let’s hope so, because for me there’s only one Barbie that’s ever going to matter on the big screen.
